Please help

Posted: August 28, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

I haven’t posted in a while as my life has become incredibly hectic and not in a good way.

Our oldest female cat, Drusilla, needs surgery. She has had lumps along her mammory glands for a while and the vet has been watching them. Recently they have changed and we fear it is cancer.

Both my husband and myself are disabled and on a very small fixed income. Our savings have been depleted due to one of our younger girls needing this same surgery earlier in the year.

We are now asking for donations, no matter how small. If you cannot donate, we ask that you share Drusilla’s fundraising page.

Because we feel bad about needing this help, we will be setting up reward levels in the next few days so that, if you donate, you will not only help us but you will receive a small token of thanks.

Dru’s page is http://www.gofundme.com/40jt8c. Please donate/share this page.

Thank you.

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Therapy really does come in many different flavors. Counseling is the one that everyone thinks of when they think therapy but for me gardening and photography work alongside my counseling to make me sane.

Yesterday, my therapy consisted of photography. The friends that I am staying with have a backyard filled with birds, squirrels and chipmunks. They also have the perfect window in their bathroom that can be opened in order for one to photograph these creatures.

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Squirrels cavorted with one another as I looked through my viewfinder.   There was a huge smile on my face as I watched them chase one another.  I mean, how do you not smile at that?  It’s a riot.

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Squirrels were not the only creatures out and about.  There was a beautiful male Cardinal who came to visit.  Cardinals always make me think of my Mom when I see them as they were her favorite bird.  She loved them so much that I am planning to get a cardinal tattoo on my wrist in remembrance.

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The last creature was another bird, the Downy Woodpecker.  Though, as you can see he was using the feeder and not pecking on the tree.  It was entertaining to watch him bob back and forth as he ate.

They also have Goldfinches, Sparrows, Nuthatches and Wild Turkeys to name but a few.  I am hoping to get shots of all of these over the next few days.

It seems that all of my posts lately have been of the non-happy variety. This makes it seem as if my life has no joy in it and that is not true. While I do have more moments of depression, there are still things that make me smile.

One of them is gardening. I have always had plants growing in the house and, some years, I’ve purchased tomato plants for my porch. This year I have decided to go all out and grow quite a few vegetables.

I have already started most of them in the house. I even purchased an indoor greenhouse to help them grow. I am loving my greenhouse.

Normally, I am one of those people who has to buy the best of everything, which means that, as I am on disability, I am limited in what I can do. This year I tossed the idea of buying the trays with the seed starting trays in them. I made my own seed-starting pots out of newspaper. I have enjoyed every moment of making the pots as I know that they are for my plants.

Quite a few of my vegetables have started germinating and my pea plants are going to take over the greenhouse by the time I get home from vacation in New Jersey. That is, if my husband doesn’t kill them all before I get home. He swears that my plants know when I’m not there and they get as lonely as he and the animals do. He could be correct as I had a rosemary bush that lived for five years and died while he was caring for it.
I think it’s that they enjoy the time I take with them and the Reiki I give them as I sing along to the music I play. Maybe it’s merely the fact that, because I am singing, they get more oxygen and thus tend to thrive more. Either way, they love me and grow for me.

After the vegetables are all in their summer homes (containers on the porch), I am going to try my hand at the art of Bonsai and miniature gardening.

I have often said that I love therapy and I am finding that, for me, gardening is one of the best forms of it.

Incomplete

Posted: April 3, 2013 in Mom, Personal
Tags: , ,

I am on a train to New Jersey to visit friends. While I’ve done this at least twice a year for years, this time feels different. The last time, like every time before, I would call my Mom and talk to her. When I was seated in my friends’ car, I would call her to tell her that I made it. This time, none of that will happen.

It is small little things that still creep up on me five months after Mom’s death. So many little rituals that we had that defined my daily life and now it is all gone. I always thought that my father’s death would hit me harder but I can no longer feel the hole he left but I feel that my heart will never be complete again now that Mom is gone.

A few days ago, I thought about never seeing her or talking to her again and I had a panic attack. Over and over again, I remember that moment she stopped breathing and the pain that stabbed into my heart and stayed there. The cliché is that it gets better with time, and while I know it’s only been five months, it seems to be getting worse and not better.

I find myself thinking of deals I can make with the universe for one more minute with her and knowing that my wishing it won’t make it so. No matter what I wish or offer to give up, she is gone and will not be returning.

I lost a piece of myself and I don’t think I’ll ever feel whole again.

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When I started this blog is was mainly to work out my issues but it’s wonderful to know that there are so many of you following me.  Don’t be afraid to speak up if you have any questions or comments.  My life is an open book. 

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
 
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered… not yelled.

Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.

Don’t judge folks by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life… Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.

Don ‘t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.

If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around..

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.
Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight,
he’ll just kill you.

 
Credit goes to Sixteen Hands.